TwT Hello! + Important Update

Aug 31, 20146 min read

Deviation Actions

Published: Aug 31, 2014

10.6K Views

_{;u; Hai guys <3 Its been a little while since I made a journal last again, so I wanted to say hello again and to update everyone. @ A @ I'm so bad at making journals and updates these days ahhhhh OTL
You guys already know, but its been a really crazy year for me. I'm definitely they type of person who who keeps most IRL things very personal as they happen, and I think venting about such things in a spur of the moment way is very juvenile and an unflattering personal trait to have. So when I do share more personal things i'd rather give things time so I can explain them rationally and eloquently. Unfortunately when not a lot of things change for a long period of time, its hard to explain things in such a way, you know? So I really don't have much to say as of right now that isn't what I said in my last jounrnals, but regardless I want to keep posting and letting you guys know that i'm still very much around and really do love and miss you all so so so much!!~ I've been progressively getting a little more active, but i'm not quite there yet. I have been making a conscious effort to change the things in my life that have been causing issues and working to fix them, specifically so I can make drawing my absolute focus again. I definitely have a lot more inspiration to draw again these days, but having the time to do so is still an issue. Anyways, there is something important that I wanted to tell all of you about a decision i've made in regards to my art and drawing for other people. If you were waiting on a request/gift/commission from me or wanted to get one in the future then please do read the rest of this journal as it pertains to that.

;__; Over the time i've spent drawing, more progressively i've come to notice that I really, really don't like drawing things for other people. Its not that I don't enjoy other people's ideas/characters, or that I don't like the idea of giving people gifts, its just that for some reason I don't feel any of the joy or inspiration I do like when I draw things for myself. Its the main reason why you don't see me draw a lot of fanart in general, because what I enjoy most about art and drawing is creating my own things. I know that it sounds really selfish, especially when so many people ask me if they could art trade with me or things like that, but really, I just have to be honest with myself and with everyone that I just don't want to draw for other people ever again. T//~//T I know, it sounds so harsh when I hear it that way, but I feel so so bad that when I make promises to draw something for someone else I just can't finish it because I feel no passion for it at all. I'll be honest, I'm quite a pushover and its hard for me to say no to certain things because I don't want to seem rude for it, even if I know in my heart that I can't or don't really want to, I just say yes anyways and it just causes everyone nothing but problems. Its really hard for me to cut people off from my creativity like that, because ideally i'd love to draw things for the people whom have given me drawings of their own or nice people who really inspire me, but for the sake of my own sanity and everyone else's patience, I really can't do it anymore. I've come to a point in my life where I have to evaluate the things that cause me problems and try to fix them so I can do better and be happier, and this is definitely one of those things that has been wearing on me for a long time now. I hate the idea of giving someone art that i've made that I feel is anything less than my best, so when I draw things for other people that hardly inspire me at all I feel like the end result is never up to par. I'll usually draw the same thing over and over again and still won't be satisfied, and then after a while I'm just so drained creatively that I just have to get it out of my mind for my creativity and sanity's sake. T~T But that really is NOT fair to the people who commission me for example, and I'm aware of that. During my long absence, I did try my best to complete as many of the commissions that I had but being in that creatively drained state along with the pressure of drawing things that don't really inspire me is definitely something that has been making getting back to normal much harder. Again, i'm so super sorry for the ridiculous amount of time that i've made some of you wait for commissions and gifts and I really don't expect you to understand or forgive me, but thank you so much for not wanting to murder me ;A; . I really just want to start again on a clean slate, so please consider all requests, gifts, etc. that i've said I would finish done at this point. I am not going to be speaking of them any further.
I know there are still four or five of you that I didn't complete commissions for, so I would really like to give that money back to you when I can if you want it. Please just send me a PM, and again i'm sorry that i'm such a terrible, unreliable person T//~//T

Anyways, as hard as it is for me to say, from now on and until I formally say otherwise, I will not be accepting any more commissions, taking requests, doing art trades, entering art contests, or giving away custom artwork as prizes. I really love and appreciate you all who like me and my art and i'm really so humbled that you would like to support me, but I do not want to create any further problems of disappointments due to my ineptitude, nor do I ever want to force myself to draw things that do not personally inspire me.

Really, thank you so much if you read this, and I hope you all will understand my decision.
T//u//T You guys are so super nice and wonderful and continue to help me get back to my old self and I thank you all so much for everything <333 I feel so much better than I did before and you guys are definitely a huge part of that. Really, thank you so much everyone again <3}